An Open Letter To My Mum


If I believed in angels I’d 100% say that you are one. You’re one of my favourite people in the whole entire world, and I think that you’re amazing. I know it must be tricky to watch me struggle the way that I do. And I know that you must worry about me quite a lot. Because that’s what mums do don't they. You’ve been right beside me through countless scary hospital appointments and hospital stays, here and abroad. You’ve watched doctors poke and prod me with needles my whole life, you’ve watched me attempt to drink prep fluid, and you’ve seen doctors rip my skin off along with the heart monitor pads. You've spoken for me when I can't get my words out, and you've laughed with me when I've been half paralysed (if you don't laugh you'd cry right?) I’ve never once doubted your support, and I’m glad I always had you there.

I know most people will say their mum makes them feel safe, but you really really make me feel safe. You’re the human equivalent to a pair of arm bands, and I know you’ll know exactly what I mean by that given the fact you hate water so much. You know how much you appreciate a pool noodle? Well that’s how much I appreciate you. You don’t make me feel like I need fixing, even though I know you’d obviously love it if it could be done. You just let me get on with it, at the pace that I need to, in the way that I want to.

I wonder how many hours we’ve spent in hospitals together, just the two of us. If that doesn’t make for good bonding time I don’t know what does. I laugh with you like no one else, but I could cry with you too if I wanted. You’ve got an awfully big heart for a rather small person, and I can always feel its warmth.

We can have a whole conversation about my day consisting of just "Spoons?" "Spoons", you buy me any aid I might need in 0.2 seconds, and you bring me perfect orange squash on request. You’ve shouted at doctors on my behalf, and you’ve thanked them for me too. You are an excellent mother.

I’m sorry I’m such a medical “curve ball”.

But if I had to be one, I’m glad that I’m yours.

#mecfs #cfs #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #chronicillness #myalgicencephalomyelitis #mum