Home Sweet Home

Sickness is scary, end of. It's something that you carry with you, you can't just leave it at home and forget that it's there. If I'm being honest, my own body scares me a bit. I don't feel safe in my own skin.

Your body is your home for the rest of your life, it's the only one you've got. If it protects you from harm and keeps you safe, you should love it unconditionally. No matter if you think it's too small, or too big, too anything - you should love it anyway.

I've got a complicated relationship with mine. It causes me so much pain, separation from others, and has forced me to give up things that I love. But it also fights for me every single day. I shouldn't have survived past birth really, the state that I was in. But I did. It will never cease to amaze me the fight that sick babies have inside them. They have no idea what life can be, they don't know what they're fighting for - and yet they do it anyway. Because something inside them tells them that they should. It's a strange feeling having your past self be your current motivation. I don't remember putting up that fight, and yet the fact that I did is the driving force that tells me to keep going. As the saying goes - I didn't come this far to only come this far. But then again, what if this is as far as I get? What if this is the limit, what if I'm already standing in the light at the end of the tunnel? I've come a long way since those days in that incubator, this should be enough right?

If your body works in the way that it should at the age that you're at, you are one lucky bugger. A healthy body isn't your right, it is your privilege, and you should see it as that. It is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

If your body is struggling and your home doesn't feel quite so secure, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you know what this feels like. But you're still here, and with every little breath that you take your body is fighting for you - even if it feels like it isn't. Sometimes it feels like your body is completely failing you, and it is perfectly ok to let yourself feel that. It is perfectly ok to be angry, don't let anyone tell you different. But remember that there is still a part of you that is fighting, there's a part of you that is trying. Your body has got a tougher job than most, one that you didn't sign up for. And I think you're doing a pretty good job, all things considered.

#chronicfatigue #chronicpain #chronicillness #mecfs #bodypositivity